“No one, no one is blinder
Than he who will not see
No one, no one is blinder
Than me” – I threw a brick – U2

One of the things that fly-fishing has taught me (and continues to teach me) is that to be successful you need to have some understanding of a trout’s point of view. You need to know the types of food it is looking for. That can vary depending on water clarity, temperature, time of year, and what’s available, just to name a few things. You need to understand what the fish’s field of view is based on water clarity, whether or not the water surface is agitated or calm; in other words, what can it see? You also need to understand that trout are both predators and prey which influences their behavior greatly. Perspective matters.

I often take my own perspective for granted and assume it’s normative for everyone. In other words, my experience and views should be everyone’s view, right? I often assume, wrongly I might add, that if someone’s view or experience is different from mine then there must be something wrong with them. And without realizing it I completely dismiss and invalidate the views and experiences of someone else. If I were to apply that same presumptive logic to fly fishing, I would assume that trout think like I do; that the trout’s experience is the same as mine. If I did that I would have absolutely no success in connecting with the trout. The same is true with people.

I’ve been reading a lot about the racial tensions in our society. The recent deaths of people of color like George Floyd, Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice, Michael Brown, Eric Gardner, Philando Castille, Breonna Taylor, and Amaud Arbery just to name a few, have caused me to rethink my assumptions about the experience of other people. As a white male, who has grown up in predominantly white settings, I have to admit that my experiences are quite different than many if not most people of color. I’ve never really worried about being followed in a store because security is watching to see if I’d steal something just because of the color of my skin. I’ve never had to worry about being stopped by police simply because I was ‘driving while black.’ In other words, driving the wrong kind of car in the wrong kind of neighborhood. As a white man I am given the benefit of the doubt when interacting with the police: I get to walk away if I’ve done nothing wrong. I am realizing that’s not always true for my friends who are people of color. And because of that reality, many of my friends who are people of color live with a daily fear for themselves and their families. I’ve never been denied a loan or refused housing because of where I wanted to live. Their experience of life is much different than mine, but no less valid because it’s not mine. Perspective matters, and the ability to see the world through someone else’s perspective matters greatly.

As a follower of Jesus, I am compelled to see the world through the eyes of others. I am compelled to see another person’s intrinsic worth because they, like me, are created in the image of God even if they don’t look like me. And if another person is just as beloved in the eyes of God as I am, then I am compelled to stand in solidarity with them. It’s about empathy and compassion. It’s about taking Jesus’s command to love our neighbor as ourselves seriously. In fact scripture calls us to put the needs of others, particularly those marginalized, alienated, cast aside, and ‘othered’ ahead of our own needs and desires in the kind of love Jesus modeled: self-sacrificing love rooted in the belief that everyone is worthy of God’s love and mercy. Everyone. No exceptions.

So, God is challenging and changing my perspectives. I am beginning to see the world through the lens of others who are different than me. I am seeing that just because my experience is different it doesn’t mean their experience is wrong or invalid. And perhaps I’m beginning to see more clearly. I am reminded of the words of a blind man who sought Jesus for healing. Jesus asked him, “What do you want?” The blind man responded without hesitation, “Lord, I want to see!” That is becoming my regular prayer as well.

D~

Down By The River

“I sat there and forgot and forgot, until what remained was the river that went by and I who watched… Eventually the watcher joined the river, and there was only one of us. I believe it was the river.”

― Norman Maclean, A River Runs Through it and Other Stories

Rivers have a way of sparking my imagination. I wonder about their source; their beginnings. I wonder about where they go and what they take on their journey. And, as a fisherman, I wonder about what life teems beneath the surface; in its pools, riffles, and runs. I find something deeply spiritual about rivers. They stir something deep within my own spirit. They have a way of drawing me closer to God, our creator.

The other day I was engaging in a practice known as Ignatian prayer. It’s a form of prayer practiced by St. Ignatius of Loyola in which you read a Gospel narrative in such a way that it immerses you in the text. You’re invited to imagine what you see, smell, taste, feel, and hear. You then imagine who you are or where you are in the story. It can be a powerful way to be present to and hear from Jesus what he wants you to know. It was for me this day.

The text I prayed was Matthew 3:13-17, the baptism of Jesus. I read the text of Jesus approaching his cousin, John the Baptist, at the Jordan River. As I entered the text using my five senses imaginatively, I first noticed the warm spring breeze on my face. I felt the cool waters of the Jordan surrounding my legs chilling my dusty, hot feet. I heard the movement of the wind through the trees and brush lining the banks of the Jordan. I heard the ripples of the water as it spilled over the rocks and stones. I saw the wispy clouds in the azure blue sky. And then I saw him: Jesus coming towards me in the water. And he was looking straight at me with a smile on his face. A smile of recognition and reunion of two friends separated by time and distance. And in my prayer, it dawned on me that I had taken on the role of John the Baptist.

He had come to me to be baptized… by me! Me in all my broken human frailty. Me in all my doubts and fears. Me, this broken jar of clay. I found myself deeply connecting with John’s thoughts, “why do you come to me to be baptized? It is I who need to be baptized by you!” Jesus smiles and says to me, “let it be like this because it is right.” Wow.

As I meditated on my experience with this prayer time, I had a deeply moving insight for me. In my calling as a pastor I am called on daily to mediate God’s grace, God’s relentless, pursuing love, to the different people with whom I interact. I largely have been doing this as a means to serve others in Jesus’s name. I now see it in a profoundly nuanced way. That as I minister to others, I am ministering to Jesus himself. It’s more than just caring for people because we all bear within us the Imagio Dei; the image of God. I now sense that in caring for others I am truly caring for Jesus. I am mindful of Jesus’s words in Matthew 25 where he says that, “as much as you have done it to one of the least of these you have done it unto me.” I have no more words, except another quote from Norman Maclean.

“Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world’s great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs… I am haunted by waters.”

D~

 

From Year to Year

One year has passed. One decade has passed. And what has been the dominant theme through it all? Change. Someone once said that the only constant in life is change. If it’s not true, it certainly feels true. At least for me. Some changes were forced on me while others were of my own choice. In keeping with my new focus on being more grateful I’ll highlight the changes for which I’m thankful and seeing how the most dramatic have happened over the past year, that’s where I’ll start.

The most dramatic changes have come from pursuing a healthier life through weight loss surgery and the accompanying lifestyle changes that came with it. Over the last 18 months I have lost 60 pounds prior to surgery, and over 120 after surgery. My energy is so much better, my need for many prescription medications has either been greatly reduced or completely eliminated. And while I didn’t start this journey with the intent to change my appearance, that has certainly happened. Many people no longer recognize me who haven’t seen me in a few months or longer. And for the first time in my life my appearance is getting me positive attention instead of negative. Several people remarked that “I have my life back.” My response is that now I have a life I never had.

What has really taken me by surprise is the changes that have happened internally. I’ve become more grateful for so many things; even things that I used to complain about. I have found that even in the hard things there are lessons to be learned, and invitations from God to lean into him more; to trust that God is continuing to form me into the person God wants me to be. And in response to a previous post I believe God is inviting me into a deeper spiritual walk in which I must learn to listen, trust, and follow where God is leading, even when the direction is uncertain. To that end I plan on incorporating several practices into my life to strengthen my journey.

I plan on taking a solitude retreat day once a month. I have found so much peace in being in nature and listening to God. It has been amazing to respond to God’s invitation to “come way and listen.” And along with this practice I plan on practicing centering prayer 5 days out of 7. There are so many distractions vying for my attention that I find these practices life-giving in helping me be more attentive to God’s presence in my life.

I am also planning on being more consistent in my physical activity. I plan to do something active 5 days out of 7. I have been walking and adding sections where I jog. I have also been strength training using a home gym I bought a couple of months ago. And I’ve recently started doing body weight exercises to improve strength and functionality. All this so I can engage in the kind of activities I love: fly-fishing, mountain biking, hiking and so forth. Things that my weight prevented me from being able to do.

I want to be more intentional as I live the next years of my life. I want to be more loving, more kind, more generous, more grateful, and more and more like Jesus.

D~

December 13, 2019

Imagine a picture in which you are invited to place yourself in the scene. There’s an ocean scape; a lighthouse and a keeper’s house next to it. The light house sits on a headland overlooking the sea. A road leads up to the light house. Below the lighthouse, on a narrow stretch of beach there’s a rowboat seemingly abandoned. The sea is relatively calm, and a few small breakers wash onto the shore. The sky is filled with high, wispy clouds riding on a gentle breeze. Where are you in this picture?

I was around the headland, on the beach and out of sight. I couldn’t see where I was. I felt uncertain, in a transition that had yet to unfold for me.

Then I was invited to imagine where I’d like to be. I wanted to be able to explore. I wanted to climb the lighthouse to see as far as I could. I wanted to explore the keeper’s house to learn something of his/her life; what it might be like to watch the changes in the weather day in and day out, week to week, month to month, year to year. Was there a rhythm to that life? I wanted to get in the boat and explore the coastline from the vantage point of the sea. I wanted to experience a life I didn’t have up to that point in time. All in relative safety and under my control.

Then I was invited to imagine where I felt God wanted me to be. I had not really thought of this exercise with that question in mind. Where did God want me? As I began to engage with God in this Visio Divina exercise, I sensed God not wanting me to worry about the picture; about letting go of having to have things all figured out. With all the transitions and changes going on in my life, I wanted to feel content. I wanted to feel like I’ve finally arrived or landed. I wanted the security of exploring my new life on my terms. MY TERMS. God was and is inviting me to learn to be content amid transitions and changes, and leaving the picture behind and trusting God, I believe, is where that contentment is truly found.

God was and is calling me to trust him on my life’s journey. God is calling me to a place of freedom in surrendering my desire to control and demand a sense of stability and security before I can feel content: like I’ve arrived safely.

Today I went on a walk through some unknown to me woods. There were trails that were marked well, but unfamiliar to me. My senses were heightened. I was alert to the sound of the rain falling on the dried, dead leaves. I was aware of the growing slipperiness of the stones on the trail I was walking. All of this and more I took as another invitation to trust God for what I could not know; what I could not anticipate. It is another lived metaphor for where I’m at in my life. Transitions happen all the time. It is well said that the only constant in life is change. As this is true then it stands to reason that inner contentment can’t be dependent on current circumstances but must transcend circumstances. For me that can only happen in the eternal, unchanging one: God in Jesus Christ. May my faith and trust deepen as I follow along the unknown trail.

D~